4. December 2008 by Mark.

This morning, we headed back to the airport for the short hop to Danang, near where Troy’s orphanage is.  We flew Vietnam Airlines business class, which was extraordinarily comfortable, on a gigantic China Airlines A300.  I’m a little puzzled by why such a big plane is doing “local” hops but I guess they know what they’re doing since it was nearly full.  Upon arrival we dropped our bags at the Sandy Beach resort (on China Beach) and climbed into the van to head to orphanage.

The orphanage is in a small town called Dong Phu, perhaps 30-40 miles from Da Nang.  The roads were terrible and the trip took about 90 minutes.  The three to-be parents that made my group went inside to find the babies lined up on a straw mat.  We all had a staring contest for a few minutes before we decided it would be OK to get to know one another.  Troy looked pretty much as I remembered him but perhaps a bit thinner than he was in the previous pictures.  Maybe had the stomach bug that seems to have hit the last group of babies from Que Son.  In any case, he seemed to tolerate me well enough - at least for the first 15 minutes.  After that, I think he figured out that I might somehow be coming in between him and his beloved nannies.  One thing that’s clear is that Troy knows what he wants and he wanted his nannies.  Several nannies held Troy to calm him and we finally settled down to the point where I was able to interact with Troy with the nannies nearby but he still protested when I held him or they got too far.  By the time we left, Troy was clearly getting comfortable with me around but it’s clear that he’s going to warm up on his terms.  I see this as a good thing because his current strong attachment to the nannies means he’ll be able to form other strong attachments.  I expect Troy will have a few tough days after he joins me on Sunday, but I can already see the smart, happy, physical, and determined kid that he really is.

So, how has this been different from Evan?  The main thing so far is the way Troy will be slower to warm up.  Evan was also attached to his nannies but he is ultimately very pragmatic - he figured out what was happening and accepted me as his best option.  Troy is going to need to be convinced.

Tomorrow, it’s another day at the orphanage and a chance to work with Troy some more.  I’m looking forward to a full day.

By the way, Troy was not the only one who was slow to warm up… The nannies seemed unsure about what to make of me adopting Troy.  They clearly like him a lot.  In any case, they seemed touched by my idea of giving Troy a t-shirt of mine to sleep with, and they seemed much warmer after that.

It’s been a long day, so I’ll close with one picture of me with Troy:

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4. December 2008 by Mark.

I had been meaning to write this post before departing, but there was too much to do.  I’m writing it on the plane en route to Danang.  By the time I post it, I’ll have met Troy.

I’ve reflected on how adopting a second time is different from the first.  It’s clear to me that I have a much better idea of what I am getting into and I think I’m much more aware of the significance of it all.  When I first meet Troy, I think the experience will be more profound.  With Evan, I was too wrapped up in the novelty of the experience and the many immediate questions I had - I had never changed a diaper or given a baby a bottle then, and I did not really understand what it means for a child to look at me as a parent.  Evan has taught me a lot.

Even the way I packed my bags was different (which, despite my “experience,” are overweight for Vietnamese domestic flights).  For example, since I had a very clear idea of what I needed, I was able to think about selecting outfits that would be cute on Troy.  I’ve even developed strong brand preferences for certain diapers, bottles, and wipes.  This time, rather than being baffled by the choices available to me, I made a beeline for what I needed, in the scent I prefer.  You get the idea.

So, it’s different this time around.

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